Author Archives: Kellie McRae

Staying Sane Through the Insanity

I sit here on day 11 of my first hospital stay of 2020. I’ve learned that pharmaceutical companies test how wide your esophagus will open to accommodate pills that would make a horse gag. I am doing all I can to remain sane, but few things make you lose track…

Pain and Paranoia Are Part of the Lupus Life

Picture it: It’s 2016, and life was good. I had hair. And then all of this unexplained pain ascended onto my body. I remember it like it was yesterday. Once doctors declared what tortured me, I signed up for pretty much every Facebook group with the word lupus in it.

Have I Given Up? The Search for Joy in My Battle

I don’t make resolutions. It seems that now they have been replaced with mantras and buzzwords. However, my daughter asked me on New Year’s Day if I had something that could give me life guidance this year. I told her that instead of constantly trying to find ways to monetize…

Is Lupus My Calling? Figuring Out My Battle’s Purpose

When we were kids, a friend said that he wanted to be a doctor. He never deviated from his goal. He joined the Navy, became a medic, and has since retired from that career. I’ve been all over the place; I’ve done more things than I can recall. My one…

I’m Living My Life in the Middle

I was fast asleep in the wee hours. I went to take a breath and could not. I tried again, only to be met with a sound that I will describe as a squeaky toy. I bolted upright and tried again, pretty much in a full panic. By some miracle,…

My Life Is Inconsistent Because of Fatigue

I was recently feeling a little tired but was still able to function. I went to breakfast with a friend on Saturday and struggled to sit up once I returned home. I lay down around 1 p.m. that afternoon and didn’t get up until Monday morning. Showering took what little…

The Battle with My Belly Never Ends

Once upon a time, I was an adventurous eater. I looked forward to visiting new restaurants and trying their signature dishes. Along with a great meal, a glass of red wine was a must. Lupus changed all that. I was a surf-and-turf kind of girl. I loved lobster, and I…

Celebrating the Big 5-OH!

At the end of 2015, my body was doing all kinds of strange things. I was caught in a revolving door at the hospital and seeing every specialist known to man. But no one could tell me what was wrong. On Jan. 1, 2016, I took a trip to Daytona…