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Staying Sane Through the Insanity

I sit here on day 11 of my first hospital stay of 2020. I’ve learned that pharmaceutical companies test how wide your esophagus will open to accommodate pills that would make a horse gag. I am doing all I can to remain sane, but few things make you lose track…

I’m Living on Borrowed Time, but I’m Still Here

Lupus often takes years to diagnose. By the time doctors work it out, the disease has usually been active in the body for long enough to cause significant and sometimes irreparable damage. At the time of my diagnosis four years ago, I was an unusual and lucky case. Though…

I’m Too Tired to Share My Reality

I wish there were a way to take screenshots of the significant moments of my journey with lupus. I wish there were a way to collate those moments, and the feelings that came with them, and turn them into a USB download. I wish that when I started to explain…

Pain and Paranoia Are Part of the Lupus Life

Picture it: It’s 2016, and life was good. I had hair. And then all of this unexplained pain ascended onto my body. I remember it like it was yesterday. Once doctors declared what tortured me, I signed up for pretty much every Facebook group with the word lupus in it.

Lupus Lessons: What Currencies Run Your Life?

Lupus is the giver of many lessons, and one of the most important lessons it taught me was how to value the things in my life. Since I was a child, my dad has always told me that time is the most valuable gift that life offers us. But…

Have I Given Up? The Search for Joy in My Battle

I don’t make resolutions. It seems that now they have been replaced with mantras and buzzwords. However, my daughter asked me on New Year’s Day if I had something that could give me life guidance this year. I told her that instead of constantly trying to find ways to monetize…

By Giving Up the Fatigue Battle, I Move Toward Acceptance

Earlier this week, as I was driving home from work, I realized I’d finally evolved to a new stage of accepting my lupus. A fresh pang of fatigue hit, but as it washed over me, I recognized that my reaction was different than previous ones. My response to fatigue has…

Is Lupus My Calling? Figuring Out My Battle’s Purpose

When we were kids, a friend said that he wanted to be a doctor. He never deviated from his goal. He joined the Navy, became a medic, and has since retired from that career. I’ve been all over the place; I’ve done more things than I can recall. My one…

3 Ways You Can Help Your Chronically Ill Friend

“I wish there was something I could do to help.” This is a common response when I tell someone about my chronic illness. Sharing with someone that an external force is hurting you prompts a wave of emotion and action. They believe they can help, and more than that,…