This year, I’m learning to do less so I can live more with lupus

As we flip the page to a new year, the pull of hustle culture on social media hasn’t seemed to change. Messages urge us to do more, achieve more, and push harder. But for those of us living with lupus, this mindset isn’t just unhelpful; it can be downright harmful.

Many of us who are chronically ill already hold ourselves to impossible standards, comparing our lives with those of healthy people, forgetting that we’re playing an entirely different game. For more than seven years after my diagnosis, I didn’t want to believe that anything was different, and it cost me dearly. I thought my work and school life could stay the same and I didn’t need to rest. (I was in my 20s, therefore invincible, right?) At times, I even thought I didn’t need medicine — definitely poor judgment.

But I’ve realized that always putting pressure on ourselves, adding more things to never-ending to-do lists, and not acknowledging that we’re playing on different terms is not only exhausting, it’s unsustainable.

Recommended Reading

December 19, 2024 by Marisa Wexler, MS

Cell therapy SC291 gets FDA fast track designation for SLE

So what if, instead of resolving to do more, we commit to doing less? What do I mean by that exactly? Well, at the end of 2024, I was listening to a podcast about reflecting on your achievements from the past year. The topic reminded me of the “small wins” that I talk about frequently, which are especially important for those of us with chronic illness.

Even on the hard days, we can find a small win, such as taking a shower or making an appointment for ourselves. It may seem insignificant to others — especially our healthy peers — but during lupus flare-ups, these are big accomplishments. Which brings me back to the podcast. It was so focused on what most people consider to be major achievements, I thought, “I no longer want to spend every moment chasing those things. I’m tired! I want to actually enjoy my life and the small moments of joy.”

My mom always tells me, “Marisa, be a human being, not a human doing.”

Being chronically ill, there’s absolutely a pressure (even if it’s unspoken) to “keep up” with our healthy peers, and it can feel relentless. That’s especially true for those of us who are bed-bound for long periods and stay connected through social media, which sends this message 24/7. We push ourselves to work more hours, maintain spotless homes, never say “no” to invites, and juggle endless commitments, all while managing flare-ups, fatigue, and pain. This drive often stems from a deep desire to prove our worth in a world that doesn’t understand our struggles.

What it means to do less

But the truth is that our value isn’t tied to how much we accomplish. Resting, healing, and simply being are just as valid as achieving and doing. It’s easy to say this, but it’s much tougher to actually put “less” into action.

That’s what I’ve been working on the past few weeks: stopping to read a few chapters of a book when my brain is screaming at me to do laundry, going to bed early when I feel an increase in symptoms even though there’s work I need to finish, and saying “no” to a fun girls’ trip because my schedule is maxed out and I don’t want to put more pressure on my body.

I’m starting to realize that if I can embrace doing less, I’m giving myself permission to prioritize my mental and physical health, and focus on what and who truly matters.

But doing less doesn’t mean giving up or being lazy; it means being intentional. It’s about recognizing limits and making choices that align with needs. Consider doing the following:

1. Reevaluate your priorities. Ask yourself, “What truly matters to me?” Let go of energy-draining people and commitments.
2. Embrace small windows of joy. Instead of cramming your schedule with to-dos, carve out little blocks of time for things that bring you joy, such as listening to a song, enjoying a cup of tea on your porch, or starting your day with a devotional.
3. Incorporate rest. Schedule rest breaks throughout your day, just as you would other tasks. Use these moments to breathe, stretch, or close your eyes.
4. Practice stillness. In a world that seems to worship busyness, being still can feel revolutionary. Try sitting quietly without an agenda — no scrolling, no multitasking, no noise — just you and the moment.

Though I’m only a few weeks into my “do less” experiment, I’ve noticed I’m falling asleep easier, my body pain has lessened, and I haven’t felt as much anxiety. I’m realizing this approach isn’t a luxury, but a necessity. Let this be the year you embrace doing less and living more.

Note: Lupus News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Lupus News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to lupus.