Nobody Owes Me a Good Life

Kellie McRae avatar

by Kellie McRae |

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positivity, life


When lupus decided to change my life, I was loving the one I was living.

I think about people who hate their jobs, are barely getting by, and have no support from family and friends. I was not that person. I chose my career, and in the early years, I battled through the lean times and the downturns to remain in the real estate industry. For most of that time, I was a business owner, an independent contractor, and I found my sweet spot working for builders.

I was having the time of my life! I’d just moved to a new town, my kids were grown, and I was doing the downtown high-rise lifestyle. I was preparing to get to know people and had already decided on the date for my first party. That party never happened. Lupus symptoms swooped in aggressively and the disease made itself at home right away.

At times since that happened, I have wondered what happened? I have had bouts of anger in which I thought to myself that I was a good person and always treated people the way I wanted to be treated. As a former fitness competitor, I ate what I thought were healthier options, and when I did not feel well, I opted for more natural cures. I rarely got sick and had to go to the doctor.

I felt that I did everything right, so what happened? I usually don’t ask questions I feel there are no answers to, so I have not asked, “Why me?” But I have asked what happened, because somehow in my mind, I think that if I can figure that out, I can fix it.

I have shared in past columns that I transitioned to a plant-based lifestyle. That was born from this question, because I really started researching what I thought were healthier options and found that when I got into the ingredients, they were probably some of the worst options for me. I am frustrated with the things that I learn, things that are considered “food.” I am also frustrated when I research the chemicals that we are given to help make us better. This is not so much because of the side effects, but rather because I don’t just dig on the surface when I research, I try to get as deep as possible. This has sent me on a journey to be as natural as possible, and I am on a quest to rid myself of medications as well.

A recent story on CNN has echoed something I have felt for some time. If companies withhold information from prescribing doctors, as reported, then how can we as patients really make informed decisions about our treatment? I have looked at the life I had and the one I am leading now, and they are dramatically different. I’ve looked at people I know who are both healthy and not-so-healthy, and I realize that we are doing our best with the knowledge at hand.

I have at times looked at healthy people with unhealthy habits, and while it may not sound nice, I have thought, “Why me and not them?” Then, I snap myself back to reality and think, “Why anyone?” The one thing I can say is that we are not owed perfect health, we are not owed lives we completely love, and there must be challenges.

It took me many years to finally get to the point of a position I loved, a home I loved, and a life I loved. I hope I can get back to loving this life sooner rather than later.


Note: Lupus News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Lupus News Today, or its parent company, BioNews Services, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to lupus.