Time for New Priorities, So Vanity, Step Aside
Once upon a time, I had two rooms full of shoes. One room had high heels, the other had wedges. I rarely wore anything that was closer to the ground than four inches. I was, after all, the Hurricane in Heels, so flats were not in my vocabulary. Then my joints began letting me know exactly where they were at all times, my energy levels started making me aware that it actually took some doing to wear those heels, and my muscles started saying they no longer wanted to support me as I stood almost on my tippy toes on some days.
Once upon a time, I owned enough high heels to give Imelda Marcos a run for her money.
Once upon a time, I had really great legs. Professionally photographed legs, professionally photographed shoes ― and now I hardly want to comb my hair.
Lupus steals your identity and makes things a priority that you otherwise wish it would not. As the disease progressed for me, I lost weight, muscle, and I didn’t care about always looking pretty. Some days, I don’t even bother to brush my hair anymore because lifting my arms is becoming more of a challenge.
I sold all of my shoes, donated what didn’t sell or gave them away to friends and family. I now have about two weeks’ worth of clothes that I just coordinate and wear over and over.
Pretty much wherever I go, there are two pairs of glasses on my head: a pair of sunglasses and a pair of reading glasses. They are no longer housed in cute little holders that I carry in my cute little purse.
Everything in my life now is truly conveniently located to expend the least amount of energy possible because every ounce of it is precious.
Lupus decided I no longer needed great leg muscles … or high-heeled shoes.
As I sit here brushing the hair from my fallen bun out of my face, I am not in any hurry to head to the nearest mirror to repair what I look like. It’s funny the things we take for granted, the things we once thought were seriously important, only to finally come to the conclusion that there is more to life than the right shade of lipstick, the latest hairstyle, and a new pair of shoes.
The Hurricane in Heels on most days is the Barefoot Battler.
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Note: Lupus News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Lupus News Today or its parent company, Bionews Services, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to lupus.
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Comments
Dalila
Thank you for this article! I enjoyed it. Here, one thing (shoes) reflected the reality of our lives. How many times we have quit to hobbies, careers, projects, relationships, etc. due our health and our Lupus...
This is a great quote: "Lupus steals your identity and makes things a priority that you otherwise wish it would not"
It's real.
Cheers.
Kellie McRae
Thank you for reading it Dalila (love the spelling of your name btw) I am learning to embrace change (no more high heels, different hobbies, etc.) its not the easiest thing in the world but we are resilient and we endure don't we? Lupus def teaches us that much.
Dalila
Aww! Thanks, Kellie! :) And yes: resilient! and always moving forward. xx
Daisy Santana
Omg I read your comment and I cried. It is so incredibly true as I sit here in my pajamas recovering from our work holiday party. And not from being hung over, but from wearing heels that used to be my daily go to. My feet hurt so bad they feel like I sprained them! One even has a bruise. Also as I type this both my arms hurt and my hands are numb. It’s been 2 years since my lupus diagnosis and I’m no where near what I used to be. It’s sad and scary but it’s my new normal and accepting that has been challenging. But reading your article made me feel less alone in this journey.
Kellie McRae
Hi Daisy, I'm so glad my article made you feel less alone. I'd like to say that its nice to have others travelling the road with you but I sure wish it was a road trip to somewhere awesome but being what it is, I am glad to know that you can rest assured that you are not alone.I sure hope you feel better soon, hurt feet are never fun since we need them to get around so I'm sending comforting vibes and hopes of fast recovery.
Christine Ray
Wow! I feel like I could have written this article! Lupus steals so much...
Kellie McRae
Hi Christine, I agree, Lupus is def a thief but we find other things that we love. I am learning new things about myself and finding other ways to express myself that have nothing to do with my looks. Be well :-)
Angela
I gave my heals away a while ago because lupus stole my muscle so I can so relate to this.I still hold onto other things though because I just want to try to be myself on my good days. My bad days I am simple if I even get out of my PJs.
Kellie McRae
I have learned to embrace my flat shoes but I still try to look nice when I go out but I now own more maxi dresses and skirts than any one woman should. Gotta hide the scrawny legs and one dress is easier than a top and a bottom. I know you can relate to that :-)
Eleanor Racioppo
Take it from a 4'11" WOMAN WITH LUPUS, I FEEL YOUR PAIN. I TOO HAD TO PUT ALL MY HEELS TO REST LAST YEAR AFTER BEING DIAGNOSED. IT WAS DEPRESSING ESPECIALLY SINCE MY HUSBAND IS 6' AND WITHOUT MY HEELS I NEVER FEEL 'RIGHT' WALKING NEXT TO HIM. BUT ON A HAPPIER NOTE, I HAVE BEEN IN TREATMENT FOR A YEAR NOW AND FEELING WONDERFUL, ALMOST LIKE MYSELF ON GOOD DAYS AND THERE ARE SO MANY GOOD DAY LATELY. THIS WEEKEND I VENTURED OUT TO A SHOW ON THE LV STRIP WITH FRIENDS AND I WORE WEDGES. IT WAS GREAT TO FEEL LIKE ME AGAIN. I'LL TAKE THE GOOD DAYS WHEN THEY COME AND MAXIMIZE THEM TO THE FULLEST.
Kellie McRae
I love hearing about good days! I am so happy for you. I know those days are truly valuable, especially after some of the things our bodies go through with lupus. I'm a little jealous that you were able to sport those wedges lol I have yet to try to put on anything with a heel but I am also much taller than you at almost 5'8" So many blessings in your post and I am happy you shared it with me.
Eleanor Racioppo
Anybody in Vegas who wants to check out a treatment center for autoimmune disease you should look up Superior Health Solutions of Las Vegas or Dr. Rob DeMartino. This man has given me back my life. He is awesome and his staff is wonderful too. He has lots of videos on YouTube as well.