Am I Optimistic or Am I in Denial?

Kellie McRae avatar

by Kellie McRae |

Share this article:

Share article via email

I am on a journey. I’m chasing remission from lupus by using a plant-based lifestyle. I’m keeping a record of how I feel, my symptoms, and the food I eat. I have been a vegetarian for a few years. However, I’ve fallen off the wagon on occasion: I had a few bites of chicken, some fish, and — once — beef medallions.

I share this information because sometimes we judge ourselves harshly if we fall short of our version of “perfect.” We are human. Sometimes you will not hit the ball out of the park, but what matters is that you showed up to the game.

On a recent trip to the U.S., I went to the hospital to get follow-up results from an earlier trip. I had more bloodwork taken that showed my platelet counts were dangerously-low, putting me at a high risk of internal bleeding. My hope of remission began to waver.

I am a pretty optimistic person, but at times it seems that lupus is dragging me around like a rag doll. Lately, I have been questioning my quest. The idea of remission has kept me going for a few years. I practice daily affirmations for high energy, low pain, and remission. I know there is no cure for lupus, but there can be relief from symptoms.

Sometimes I wonder if I am optimistic or in denial. If I make it to remission it will be glorious. However, my current health issues are worse than when I started, and I’ve begun to question my choices.

I began this journey after speaking with other lupus warriors who had success with a full plant-based lifestyle. Their experiences led me to discover how certain foods could help our bodies to heal. But I am impatient. I don’t expect overnight results, but I’m not happy with new hospital stays, rampant inflammation, low platelet counts, and treatment options that take me in the opposite direction to where I’m trying to go.

I realize that remission is possible. But I’m wondering how my mindset fits with this goal. Do I need to keep my hope of remission alive? I will do my best to remain hopeful. I will continue to share and hope that what I offer will help others.


Note: Lupus News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Lupus News Today, or its parent company, BioNews Services, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to lupus.