Accepting help allows us to preserve our health and energy
What does it cost you, and your health, when you do all the things?
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Hear me clearly: The pile of clothes can wait. The dishes can sit untouched in the sink another night. Neither the refrigerator nor the cabinets need to be cleaned today. The stain on the garage floor can stay there until the weekend.
In fact, each and every chore can wait.
Let’s say you only have 12 “spoons” (a metaphor for energy), and it would cost five to quickly Swiffer the floor and wipe down the tub. This application of the spoon theory, created by Christine Miserandino, can be a practical way to calculate and manage the finite amount of energy those of us with chronic illnesses like lupus may have each day.
As we take on each day, we not only have to understand that our energy is severely limited; we must also be aware of how different activities can trigger unrelenting flares. Over time, we learn our individual capacities and can adjust to the cues and symptoms that tell us when enough is enough.
But what happens when we ignore the cues and convince ourselves that we have to get things done? Let me pose that question more directly to those who live with systemic lupus: What does it cost you and your health when you do all the things?
Who do you become when your energy is depleted and your pain elevated? What can you no longer do the morning after you’ve done too much? How do your emotions change? Are you depressed, self-ridiculing, and disappointed, or do you feel elated and accomplished? The answers can help you determine if all that you do ends up being all you can do.
Evaluate your physical movements and delegate what you can to manage and mitigate lupus flares.
I know it’s not always easy to follow these instructions, especially since it can be difficult to “confess” a lupus diagnosis. But once we courageously admit to family and friends how debilitating lupus and chronic pain can be, we owe it to them to accept their offers of help. Not only that, but we should be prepared to list specific ways they can assist us. (Leave no room for guessing.) Start by asking someone to address that pile of clothes or do a weekly bathroom refresh to reset our home and lighten the burdens of daily disease.
How great would that be? Accepting a hand would restore the shine on the day’s last remaining spoon. What would shift with your health, wellness, or wholeness if you had consistent help? How would you care for yourself differently, both physically and emotionally?
Now is the time to ask for help. And to the caregivers, now is the time to lean in just a little, even if the request isn’t made.
Note: Lupus News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Lupus News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to lupus.
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