Revisiting the Plans I Had Before the World Went Mad

Revisiting the Plans I Had Before the World Went Mad

Last January, my visit to the U.S. turned into one of my longest hospital stays since my lupus diagnosis. I associate a lot of fear with that stay.

Once it was under my belt, many changes lay ahead. For the first time in over a year, I was optimistic. I looked forward to returning home to Mexico, and moving on. However, at almost the exact moment I stepped off the plane in Mexico, the world came off its axis and everything went haywire.

I’ve always known that tomorrow isn’t promised, but that didn’t stop me from making plans. I returned home thinking I finally would be able to spend time with friends outside of my home. I could easily adjust to social distancing because I spent all of last year isolated, but moving was the priority.

I currently live in a two-story home with concrete stairs and no handrails. The counters in my kitchen are high, so I can’t sit down comfortably to prep food.

When I moved to Mexico, I rented a furnished home, so the furniture is uncomfortable, and my thin frame feels all of my bones, whether I am sitting or lying down. I simply can’t get comfortable. Shower floors can be slippery in the tiled bathrooms, and I have no rails to hold onto.

I intended to find a one-story house. I have now been here long enough to feel that Mexico is home, and I would be fine buying my own furnishings. The problem is the risk of exposure to the virus. When looking for a home, it’s hard to fall in love with the first place you see.

I had another dream about my perfect home. On her daytime talk show, Ellen DeGeneres rewards people who have dealt with adversity in a positive way.

In the four years since my diagnosis, I have shared my story on the internet — always with a smile. I smile from hospital beds in my worst pain. My followers have nicknamed me “Queen Bubbly Bee” (I’m honored). I hoped to get my online family to nominate me so that Ellen would help me buy a home where I could install items I need for assistance in my activities of daily living. I would never have to move again.

When renting, few owners allow tenants to make modifications or permanently install things. If I move between rentals, I would have to ask permission of each homeowner. It would be easier to own a home. I was super optimistic. Then the world shut down, and Ellen went home like everyone else.

Looking for a new place has become a potentially high-risk situation, but trying to maneuver my current home has become an even bigger challenge. Some days, my joint pain is so bad that stairs become dangerous, leaving me stranded. I have started keeping nonperishable items in my bedroom.

When I moved into this home a year and a half ago, my situation was dramatically different. I didn’t necessarily want stairs then, but finding a one-story home where I live is challenging. Unfortunately, once you find something, the rent doubles or triples.

I’d love to own a home here, especially when I look at price tags compared to the U.S. But my budget can’t absorb that.

In the past few months, I’ve wondered if I should risk looking for a new home, because it seems there is no end in sight to the world being off its axis. Some plans I had before may still need to happen, and I will just hope for the best.

What plans have you put on hold lately? Please share in the comments below.


Note: Lupus News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Lupus News Today, or its parent company, BioNews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to lupus.

Kellie is a lupus warrior who spends her time teaching many about the incurable disease she battles with a smile on her face. She travels the world, writes articles, has an active YouTube channel and creates coloring and activity books for both adults and children. She is known as Queen Bubbly Bee because no matter what is going on with her body, she always manages to find the silver lining.
Kellie is a lupus warrior who spends her time teaching many about the incurable disease she battles with a smile on her face. She travels the world, writes articles, has an active YouTube channel and creates coloring and activity books for both adults and children. She is known as Queen Bubbly Bee because no matter what is going on with her body, she always manages to find the silver lining.

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  1. Emma Hooper says:

    Hello ‘Hurricane in Heels’ Kellie

    Thank you for your reply to a previous response, twas lovely to hear from you. Goodness yes I feel for you in these current times and indeed everyone in the Americas. I do hope in time you will eventually secure a home more suited to your needs.

    When the world tilted on its axis we experienced our first lock down in March (Australia). I had to grind my band to a halt until this passed. What I noticed was the quietness that overtook our city and suburbs (Brisbane, Queensland). It was wonderful to hear bird song, some of which I hadn’t heard for a long time. The air quality I swear improved immensely. Plant life sprang up strong and healthy. The constant 24/7 din of traffic from the freeways and motorways, as well as the main streets were silent. Absolute bliss.

    Businesses resumed again at the beginning of June and all had to complete and comply with plans, checklists and processes before they could operate, with submissions going to our Chief Health Medical officers for approval.

    My band consist of aside from the healthy, a number of vulnerable people; aged, disabled, and chronic conditions so it was vital we had plans in place to protect them all.
    Its been a blessing we have been able to continue practising and training, based on a rural property. It has been an important crutch for this team, as a social outing, keeping active and being able to see and speak with other members. We planned to have 10 people maximum per class back in June for the remainder of this year so, that has worked out very well.
    Presently Queensland has number restrictions in place of 10 per gathering except businesses with plans due to slight increase in Covid cases at the moment. Others have not been so fortunate and currently struggle with lock-down especially people living in units and apartments, unable to leave them (Victoria).

    On the home-front we are lucky in so many ways. A short walk to the seaside. We dwell in a little workers cottage hidden in an industrial area so we are not so exposed to many residences. It looks a bit rundown but I like the illusion it gives. Inside it is spacious and we have a huge backyard and grow our own veggies, herbs, flowers and ornamentals. Winter has finished now and we head into warmer temperatures. I dread the summer; it is very hot and humid at times and makes living with Fibromyalgia, Lupus, thyroid nodules and menopause, uncomfortable. Still, I find ways to keep minimise the discomfort by seeking out air conditioning, cool showers and clothing.

    I would love to hear more about Mexico and reading your articles. Always a delight to read thank you.

    Em 🙂

    • Kellie McRae says:

      Em if you are not writing books, I feel you should. I was so taken in by your imagery. I could hear the birds singing, hear the water hitting the shore from the seaside and see your garden. I was mesmerized. I agree with you that having people that you could still connect to is so important. I have a good friend that does a dinner once a month or so, there are usually 5 or 6 of us and we are all be distanced but it was wonderful to be able to break bread and share some good laughs in their actual presence and not over video. Your place sounds lovely, I am more of a city girl, I tried my hand at a little gardening, I killed a pumpkin and when it created bugs…well, that was all the gardening for me haa haa The part of Mexico where I live is always hot but I have Raynauds so even a trip to the grocery store has me in a sweater and sometimes gloves. The beach is a 30-minute bus ride away but right now, they are closed unless you go to a private resort. it’s lovely where I live and I have come to enjoy the peace and solitude as well. Taking more time to explore creating, crafting, sewing, and painting. it’s so wonderful to hear that you are doing well under these circumstances. I’m also glad that your government is doing a great job of doing its best to keeps its citizens as safe as possible. Have a great week and continue to stay safe!

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