The Pain of Pleasure

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by Kellie McRae |

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travel map, pleasure and pain

Some days are good energy days, and some days are low pain days. Sometimes there are days when you are like, “I am going to throw it all to the wind and get what I get.” Recently, I took a trip to Laos and I learned a very valuable lesson: Ask about elevators.

Hotel stairway - pain and pleasure

I had a choice: see the pain or the pleasure in the journey. (Photo by Kellie McRae)

I am not the only person who has taken something that should be pleasurable for granted. I arrived at my hotel to find that not only did it not have an elevator, but also my room was on the third floor. At hotel number two, my room was on the fourth floor. As bad as this sounds for those of us with energy and pain issues, I chose to find something beautiful in the journey. This photo is from the fourth floor of my second hotel.

The city was lovely, the people even lovelier, and I had a great time. However, my body is paying dividends for the lack of modern conveniences. Then, I arrived back in Thailand and spent an entire day at an event and then at the botanical gardens. Can I just tell you that my body was absolutely not amused. My mind and spirit, however, were just the opposite.

I have shared in other posts that I have become basically a cave dweller and that my attitude has been suffering. In my attempt to find the light in my darkness, I have decided to get out more and to choose a better way of thinking.

I notice with many of my fellow warriors, we go out today and have fun and tomorrow pay dearly. I and many others have that feeling of why bother to have a good time when your body will punish you for it. Let me say this: My body is angry as I type this — really angry — but my spirit is soaring. I feel like I did something good for my mind and my soul.

I keep reminding myself that lupus is a chronic pain disease, so no matter what, pain is going to show up. It doesn’t matter if I dwell in my cave or get out and try to enjoy myself.

One of my loyal readers recently commented, “You must find that place inside yourself where nothing is impossible.” This spoke to me; sometimes that place is very well-hidden, but determination will source out a lot of things that we never thought we would find. I am in search of that place. I am on that path. And yes, I am in pain, but I am also experiencing pleasure. I get one life.

I did not choose to have lupus, but I definitely have a choice in how I deal with it. Some days are more difficult than others. This thing is a mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical challenge, but I have my proverbial sleeping bag, my flashlight, and my emergency food supply as I look for better days and better ways to cope with my pain. No matter what, no matter how low I sometimes feel, I hope and pray that I never stop looking for the joy — the pleasure in spite of the pain.


Note: Lupus News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Lupus News Today, or its parent company, BioNews Services, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to lupus.