We Can’t Do It All

We Can’t Do It All

Battling lupus stinks. It takes so much out of you. When I was diagnosed, I was selling homes, I had a full social life, and I was a big ball of energy. I would cook, clean, entertain, and work. As lupus settled into my body, I have found that even having the energy to move around my apartment is a task some days.

I have to remind myself that my life has changed; it’s no longer as simple as it once was while just doing basic things. There are days when I don’t crawl out of bed until well into the afternoon, even though I am naturally an early riser. Energy levels keep me in bed, and on those days, I eat raw because the energy to cook definitely does not happen.

After spending the majority of my life making things happen, when life comes to a screeching halt, it’s tough. I have learned to make some adjustments and realize that I just cannot do as much as I could once upon a time. The adjustments I have learned have not been easy, but they’ve been necessary.

I like to think I am a strong person, but when the body rebels, I must take the time to listen. I would love to say I can overtake lupus. But in all honesty, the times that I have attempted to be in charge have led to hospital stays, passing out, and losing my lunch. I often tease and say I’m beating lupus, but I have learned to make lupus my partner. I know it’s not going anywhere, so when it allows me to have good days, I am appreciative. On the days when it says for me to rest, I allow it those moments.

I miss being able to do a lot of the things that I once took for granted, but I am learning new things about myself. I am learning to do new things and explore options that I never would have considered before. I now spend a majority of my time helping to support other warriors battling lupus. I try to help them realize that while we may move a little more slowly, we can still accomplish our hopes and dreams. It’s not the easiest thing to relinquish the power in your life. It’s not easy to admit that as a young woman, doing basic things is hard. But in the end, the best thing for us, really, is to accept that we can’t do it all.


Note: Lupus News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Lupus News Today, or its parent company, BioNews Services, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to lupus.


  1. Rob O'Sullivan says:

    Well done Kellie! Again your words, attitude and encouragement echo those of my late wife Ingrid. It was her will to live despite an ever present adversary that was such an inspiration to others. The life of a chronically ill person is no less blessed than that of an able bodied person. In fact it can be even more blessed by being a blessing to others. Keep on Kellie…..

    • Kellie McRae says:

      Thank you for always keeping me lifted up with your encouraging words Rob. I agree, we are indeed blessed, we get to show others how to handle constant adversity and show them that things are all bad 🙂

  2. Ayumi says:

    Thank you Kellie for sharing your experience strength and hope as always. I immensely enjoy your writing. It has taken me five years to even start seeing that I can’t control my lupus. I held onto the delusion that if I got angry enough or smart enough I’d finally overcome my symptoms and live like I used to, do things healthier people do without paying the price for the next three days etc. I’ll think of you the next time it’s hard to even get in the shower or I have to go straight to bed after work. It’s good to know that it’s ok to adjust to the new “norm”, and cease fighting so much (I’ll always fight some LOL). Thanks again!

    • Kellie McRae says:

      Hi Ayumi, thanks for reading and commenting. I still fight too but I also know that some days the fight will not be won by me so I just go ahead and let lupus have its moment. I have an opportunity to walk a mile in my old shoes recently and can I just say that living like I used to has lost its appeal. If you get that chance, I hope you will take it and realize that even battling lupus, it has taught us some good things about ourselves 🙂 Wishing you high energy and low pain

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *