No Comfort from the Comforter

No Comfort from the Comforter

When you get the news that your health will forever be in the toilet, I can assure you that you have to deal with more than just the diagnosis. You find yourself working emotionally, spiritually and physically within new confines. At any given time in our lives, we have to reconcile things with one or more of these. It is rare, in my opinion, to have to contend with all three at the same time. But it happens. Life issues us some serious challenges and during those times, all three will come into question.

Often the physical aspect of those challenges are just feeling that you don’t have the will to move, but you do have the strength to make it happen. Heartbreak comes to mind. You just want to stay in bed, but you CAN move, you just don’t want to. With lupus, you can want to, but sometimes you honestly don’t have the strength, which taps into your emotions. “I’m young, I can’t believe my body refuses to move, to constantly hurt, to rebel.” Then comes the spiritual aspect of doing your best to will a good attitude, the belief that you will be better and there is a reason for this.

I have shared in other posts that I believe in a higher power. But I will be honest: I don’t find any comfort in a lot of what is said about the existence of such a power. I look at how the universe works, and it would be arrogant in my mind to say that there isn’t something bigger than us; but the names for these powers have never really resonated with me in the normal sense. Whenever I have had challenges in my life, someone comes along with advice from these higher powers. I have been told to find comfort in the Comforter. Well, that helps if you are speaking about bedding, which is quite cozy when my body hurts and absorbs my tears. The spiritual comforter does not comfort me. I am sitting alone, crying into the abyss, and there is no comfort there. I hear things like you “are never alone,” yet I am and I feel alone, too. I hear things like, “you will never be given what you can’t handle,” “God will never leave nor forsake you,” “by his stripes you are healed” and much more. Please don’t misunderstand me. Again, I believe in a higher power, but some of this stuff is just crap. I am not healed, I am alone and I am not comforted. These words annoy me greatly. If you want to comfort me, I need the wording to be closer to where I live on Earth.

When I pray, they are usually prayers of gratitude, and I do my best to have a positive attitude. When I ask for things that don’t pan out, I am met with “well, it wasn’t the will of God.” Whatever happened to “ask and ye shall receive?”

When I meditate, I focus on my body, mind and spirit being as healthy as possible. But even as a child, when I asked questions about the higher power, I was told “you don’t question God.” So this feeling is not new, I have just never shared it before. Primarily because people love to argue about how someone else believes. I am not looking for an argument, but I am looking for people to please stop giving me heavenly advice. I live on Earth. When I move to heaven, then that will be relevant. But for now, I find no comfort in it at all.


Note: Lupus News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Lupus News Today, or its parent company, BioNews Services, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to lupus.


  1. Latisha Harrison says:

    As I this, I am in so much pain that it is really hard to have faith in the “higher power”. Was it God’s will that we should suffer from lupus? Or that I be homeless for the last 3 1/2 years? WTF? Trying hard to stay positive, but on days like today it’s nearly impossible. I know EXACTLY how you feel. Now I’m gonna go climb back under my comforter, with an ice pack and and a good book(if I can hold it). Have a great day, Ms. Hurricane. You are my hero.

    • Kellie McRae says:

      If only we had any of those answers Latisha! I know we all have a reason for being, I believe that, but for being ill, for being in pain…I am clueless. I hope you feel better and find some relief.

  2. Eddie Phillips says:

    Hi Kellie, oh I feel ya girl.

    I am not religious and I only believe in one power – me. However, I do respect other peoples beliefs as this provides them with comfort.

    I have to admit to rolling my eyes when I hear comments such as these.

    As far as down to earth comfort goes, cuddling up with Julie in bed is all it takes for her.

    I am sending you hugs to try and comfort you down here on the mortal plain and they are available whenever you need them.


    • Kellie McRae says:

      Hey there Eddie, I hope you are recovering well from your hip surgery. I do believe in a higher power because there is so much beauty that man didn’t create but so much of what I think we have been told as far as spiritual beliefs is a crock and like you, I respect others rights to believe what they want, I just needed to go on record because so many of my messages are filled with scripture and words such at the ones I shared. I know people mean well so I usually say thank you but after a while I’m thinking…enough. People need people and there is a reason for that. I’m open to all the hugs, they are warm and cozy lol Thanks for the offer! Please tell Julie I said hello 🙂

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