Living with Lupus and The ‘Little Wins’

Living with Lupus and The ‘Little Wins’

Girl_Who_Cried_Wolf

When it came to my first six months with lupus, it felt like I took so many losses. My diet, my energy, my face, my body shape, the list just kept growing. I felt like I never got to take anything back. I never got to have a “win.” I put so much energy into focusing on all the major losses, that I never noticed that in some places I did gain something back – but it was a “little win.”

I know how Chicken Little felt when he thought the sky was falling, as last year I, too, felt as if my world was crashing down around me. 2016 wasn’t destined to be a year that I would go from strength to strength; in fact, it was the complete opposite. It was a year where I would continue to trip and stumble.

Last year I lost each and every part of myself at one point or another. If I was feeling good physically, WHAM! Hope you were ready to feel emotionally unstable. Oh, and why don’t we also mess with your anxiety and stress just for the fun of it!

I was never adjusting to just one thing; it was always at least two or three things. There always were so many variables in my life, that pinpointing the root cause of anything in particular wasn’t just difficult to decipher on my own, but impossible.

There was a point where I came to the realization that maybe it wasn’t about monumental victories, but the little successes – no matter how small. Too often we fixate so hard on the bigger picture, and forget that the little things can be just as significant.

Looking back all those small accomplishments have lead me to where I am right now, standing tall atop my world. But I didn’t get here in leaps and bounds. It was about putting one foot in front of the other day after day, sometimes moving only one step farther than yesterday, if that’s all the day could muster.

My wins were small and seemingly insignificant to anyone outside of myself. Sometimes it was having a really low-sodium day; other times it was getting home from work to rest for only an hour and not being exhausted beyond repair.

One of my highlights was being taken off one of three high blood pressure medications late last year. A little while later I was off of two, and then last month I finally hit my personal milestone: I was no longer on any medication for my blood pressure!

And I know how insignificant, even silly, that might sound to be a milestone. But to me it was huge. It meant that all the nights I spent tear-stained because of lupus, all the days I sweated my guts out at the gym, and every meal I had to reengineer to specifically fit my diet, it all added up to something: A huge and visible improvement in my health.

I still set goals; in fact, I set them every day. I want to be faster, stronger, fitter, a better writer, a more technical fighter, a more critical and analytical thinker — my list is forever growing. But these are the long-term, big picture goals — and that’s not what I’m concentrating on. What I’m pinpointing is that stepping stone, putting one foot in front of me, and taking that single step.

Ask yourself, what’s your big picture and where do you want to be? Thinking about that, choose the very first step you would need to take to get there. Not the three-foot jump needed to cross the river in one go, but that small, safe and dry rock right in front of you.

Take that step; it’s yours and we both know you’ve got this.

Maybe it’s tiny, unmemorable and seemingly insignificant in the long run, but nobody thinks of that grain of sand’s first movement on its journey to become a pearl. Even though in the grand scheme of things, that is the sand’s first “little win.”

***

Note: Lupus News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Lupus News Today, or its parent company, BioNews Services, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to lupus.

 

One comment

  1. Peggy says:

    I was so happy to read this today! I too feel like a sliver of the person I used to be. In the beginning, 17 years ago,every loss did feel like a failure. I was just beginning my adult life, married & starting my family. I even loved my part-time work. I immediately became fully disabled & it felt like I was in a big black hole. It took a long time to stop resenting & begin to set small reachable goals & feel good about reaching them. As I grew, my family grew in knowing that there are good & bad days & times but together we learn tomorrow is another day to start over & try again. Today, I am nowhere near happy about lupus, or the changes & losses in my life. I am human and I can live with that & making small goals and starting each day new. Thanks for sharing your experience. The more we do that, the less we feel alone.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *