Why I Won’t Be Thanking a God for All of the Good in My Life with Lupus

Why I Won’t Be Thanking a God for All of the Good in My Life with Lupus


I’ve spent my entire life struggling to consolidate my feelings toward religion. And, while facing an adversity like chronic illness often leads many to turn to one deity or another, this wasn’t the case for me.

I’d like to preface this column by clarifying that I have always openly respected everyone’s opinion and right to believe in whatever or whomever they choose, and I will continue to do so. But in return, I ask that they show me the same courtesy, as this is my story, my beliefs, and my journey.

A lot of bad came out of the year 2016. In fact, it was undoubtedly the worst part of my life to date. But in direct contrast to that, an overwhelming amount of good has come to light in 2017. While last year saw me trip, stumble, and fall countless times, the past six months have been the strongest of my existence.

There’s not one part of my life when I haven’t grown exponentially. Only six months into the year, I’ve hit milestones and smashed goals that my diagnosis had me doubting would ever be possible. But I can’t bring myself to praise a higher power for all that’s happened, as each and every good thing was not willed by something greater than me — it was all my doing.

I can understand why many people turn to religion when they become ill. I have had moments when I found myself grasping for something bigger. But ultimately, I know I’m the maker of my own destiny and that regardless of how good or bad something in my life may be, no one else can be held responsible.

If I fail, it’s not God’s will. I’m not being taught a lesson or being punished for anything; I just messed up and need to own it. But taking responsibility for my downfalls also means I can claim my victories, just as I should.

Though I’ve had support and help along the way, when it comes down to it, the person who continuously propelled me forward, pushed for progress, and faced the brunt of hardship along the way was me.

I was the one who sweated it out week after week in the gym to build up my strength and fitness. I was the one who spent months on end struggling to come to terms with my reality, begging to understand why this adversity was given to me before realizing that it could be the greatest catalyst to invaluable chance — if I wanted it to be. And I was the one who took the worst thing to ever happen to me and transformed it into awareness, empowerment, and strength.

No one will ever convince me that I don’t deserve to claim these victories for myself, as every one of them wasn’t just a battle, but a war. It was an ongoing internal conflict where two sides of me collided, desperately trying to make sense of my seemingly nonsensical circumstances.

I’m where I am today, in the best state of mind, surrounded by nothing but positivity and strength because of the work that I put in. And no one can deny that or take the credit from me.

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Note: Lupus News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Lupus News Today, or its parent company, BioNews Services, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to lupus.

6 comments

  1. Stephanie Lucas says:

    Let Me Start By Saying I Respect Your Conviction Of Feeling This Way, But I Will Tell You This: “You Are Definitely ” UNGRATEFUL!!” YOU ARE STILL HERE!! In The Land Of The Living, You Got Diagnosed With Lupus, I Was Diagnosed In January 2012, I Mean Really, What’s Your Gripe,You Say You Have An Alliance Of Friends And People Who Help You With Whatever It Is You Need To Help You Cope And Come To Terms With This Illness, But Do Really Understand This: “God Works Through People, Because God Keeps Them Alive To Help YOU, Whether Or Not They Believe In God’s Presence! So With That Being Said; Be Grateful For What God Has Done For You, Because It Could Be Worse!!! Just Think Of It As Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth Chance At Life!!! I’m Living Proof Of It, After Five Years Of Battling This Illness, C’mon For Real, Get Over Yourself!!! IJS Hey Now!!!!

    • Kristiana Page says:

      Hey Stephanie!
      This article was not intended as an attack on Christianity, it was simply an expression of a different opinion as someone with lupus. As you don’t know me personally, I think it’s unfair and unjustified for you to come to the conclusion that I’m at all ungrateful, based solely on the notion that we approach life with different belief systems . I am grateful, in fact I’m grateful in countless ways, however I’m just not grateful to the same being/s that you are – and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that! :slightly_smiling_face:
      While you appear to have a passionate and strong faith with God, I don’t. And I feel no need to try and exert a superiority of my secular beliefs as I believe there is deep respect in accepting that someone else may have a different view and that that is neither right or wrong; just different.
      I’ll now treat you as I in turn wish to be treated, by both acknowledging and respecting our differences, while wishing you the very best of luck with your journey onwards with lupus!

      Thank-you for reading my column!
      Kristi

    • Kristiana Page says:

      Hi Lorimae,

      I appreciate your good hearted intention, but I’m secure and comfortable with my outlook and belief systems.

      Best,
      Kristi

  2. Ash says:

    Thank you for your story… I am with you… on the same page and only looking forward… and be only got myself to count on period!

  3. Dizzy Simms says:

    Hi there. I don’t feel it is fair to accuse anyone of being u grateful. We all feel….well the way we feel and can’t help our feelings. Myself I tend to be a “glass half full” person but that doesn’t mean I don’t have “why me” days just the same as everyone else. On a really bad day being still alive does not seem such a good thing but I smile and get on with things as best I can. So I guess in away I lie, isn’t that worse than the honesty of not feeling grateful for this god awful condition? Surely we can all be understanding and tolerant of each others issues. Be kind people please. Peace out x

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